Here We Go...

In October of 2008 I became a Christian. I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. But there's still a ton of issues I need to work out. I believe in the works of Jesus. I also believe that he died for our sins and he's proven to have committed the ultimate sacrifice. But where does the whole 'God' part come in? I'll admit. I'm beyond 'undereducated' about Christianity as a whole. Maybe that's why I've been expecting all the wrong things.

Isn't God supposed to be a comfort? Isn't He supposed to be someone that I can confide my troubles in and He'll help me with my walk through these valleys of ashes? And if all that is true, how does it work exactly?

Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed in every sense of the word. I have a roof over my head, food to eat and enough health to live my life. It's just that the things that are wrong are terribly wrong.

Call me selfish if you like, but I would give anything to be like the Christians who surround me. They have such faith in God. They've experienced his blessings first hand. They feel an exclusive bond between themselves and God Himself. When am I gonna get those things?

I guess those things are experiences that will come in time. Things that if I'm patient enough to wait for I'll get to enjoy myself. I guess they're also things that if I keep my faith in God alive He won't let me down.

The wait is so tiring. As a 16 year old girl, I'm tired.

Eeeeeek!

So I watched this scary ass movie that premiered on Syfy last night and that shiz was messed up! It was called House of Bones. More like House of Scary Dead White People!

It starts out with an alright premise. You can't expect much of a plot when it comes to Syfy movies. Apparently the 'cast' of a show called Sinister Sites goes to homes to 'investigate'. The characters make it very clear that none of the places they go to are actually haunted and they just make all the scary moments happen themselves. Well these bitches weren't ready for the Wicker house!

Long story short, the house is fuckin' alive, it fuckin' kidnaps people, and they find out the only way to escape the house is to put dead bodies down the fuckin' well in the backyard. WTF!

*Horrified rant*

And then that chick started chucking blood! And that other chick was killed when the house put glass through her head! And the white guy killed all the survivors INCLUDING the black guy! Lawdy...

Lmao! I'm done. I promise.

In Such Times of Panic

Same pose, different emotions. :)

I t c o m e s n a t u r a l l y . . .

Sperry Heaven

JIZZ IN MY PANTS!

What They've Done

Pass me down through generations.

Flush me scarlet with raw frustration.

In such a stage of desperation,

There's no room for hesitation.

The sky cannot limit the creation of my imagination.

Only my worthless salvation.

The dreams I have yet to forgive and forget

Sweat.

And leave my damaged conscience upset.

These empty words printed in ink.

Enough to make the wisest scholars sink.

Enough to parallel the severe to think.

I'm pushed to believe in the Ever-Thriving God.

When can I get to know Him without the façade?

Without the immoral debauchery?

Can He mute the masses just to speak with me?

Can He abolish the debris,

That pushes me through life so harshly?

All I need is one reason to lay those words on my heart.

Then no longer will our worlds be apart.

No longer will his presence simply be art.

Rather, our connection will transcend through my wronged passions.

I will have extinct Earthly rations.

The scholars will resume their study.

The severe will resume lingering.

All I will resume passing.

I'm Such a Girl...

I had a nice long poem thing about that kid. But those words don't do justice. None do really. What I'm feeling right now is raw. I would like to be confident and think that these are scars time can heal, but who knows.

I'm being so over emotional. I understand. I feel I deserve it though. It's time for me to show myself some self respect and appreciation. If I feel like crying hysterically when I'm home alone, so be it! If I feel I can 'out-sing' Mariah Carey while I'm in the shower, I'll sing (scream) my heart out. If someone is annoying, stupid, or just an all around fail then I'm voicing my opinion. Bah.

*sigh*

One of these days I'll break out of this realm of darkness and I'll be able to see the light everyone keeps telling me about...

Yay!

I just got asked to prom!!

YAYYY!!!

I don't think I'll go though. He isn't exactly the person I envisioned going with, ya know? There's nothing wrong with the kid of course. There's just someone else I'd rather go with.

But oh well! Until next yearrrrrrr!